One of the hardest things about leaving for university is saying goodbye to the friends you’ve known for the past four years.
But by now it’s not just the friends at home you miss, but the ones you’ve now made at university/college.
I found that while I was home I missed my college friends.
And now that I’m back at school I miss my friends from home.
As a kid who moved around a lot, saying “Goodbye” is a guaranteed thing to do.
I can’t say that I’ve become accustomed to farewells, but rather having a friend for a few months or so before heading off to a new year. But even when I finally settled down at age 10, I realized that not all friendships will last or are meant to.
Over time you learn that there are different types of friendships you’ll have in your lifetime.
For me, I’ve had: acquaintances, the ones you talk to (and probably only) in class, friend-of-a-friend friends, the ones you can live with not communicating with for a long time but still be friendly with, the snakes, the ones you tolerate, the ones who tolerate you, and, of course, true friends.
Much to your chagrin, you’ve probably encountered many snakes or may have (unfortunately) been one without realizing it.
Snakes are the friends in sheep’s clothing that take a bite out of you whenever they please. They are the ones who stab you in the back and/or are the ones who become sour when a friendship is over.
If we are all being honest, no one is eternally immune from being petty or bitchy at some point in there life. You lash out when you feel you’ve been wronged, which, I think we can all agree, happens a lot. Or perhaps you do so because you’re hurt or feel just incredibly awkward about the whole ordeal.
Regardless of the reasoning, I’ve learned that I can sometime be a snake when I feel any of those things. I realized that I need to be better at being the better person, regardless of how the ex-friend may be acting themselves.
Sometimes you find yourself being friends with someone just for the sake of having a friend. I’ve found myself in a few friendships in the past wherein I had nothing in common with the other person, did not even genuinely like that person, and/or was a friend because they were a friend-of-a-friend.
And I’m sure that I was on the receiving end in some friendships too.
So why do we spend time with people we aren’t true friends with?
Why are we friends for the sake of having a friend?
There is probably more than one answer, but I’ll let you ponder on that for yourself.
Now I put the last one as “true” rather than “best” for a reason.
I’ve come to learn that you may not have just one best friend, but perhaps a few or even a small group. Therefore “best” doesn’t really fit anymore (at least not for me), and thus I instead call them true friends. The ones you genuinely miss and turn to when anything insane happens around or towards you.
They are the ones you actually enjoy being with for the sake of their presence and will stay regardless of what others say about you (because hopefully they know you better).
I will most definitely miss my family, my friends, and my sleeping time.
But I’m excited to see my university friends and order Chinese food at a Godforsaken hour, listen to Martha’s country playlist or Taylor Swift’s reputation album, make late night runs to the Shell gas station across the street, have throwback movie nights, go to UD’s weekly Thursday themed parties, as well as make pancakes and hot chocolate on Sunday mornings.
It has been over a week since I graduated from high school and it still hasn’t sunk in yet.
I remember the lines and lines of teens Snapchatting and babbling and hugging one another as we sweat in our caps and gowns.
The feeling of being in a fishbowl surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of people.
The coliseum was filled with the friends and families of about 630 students, waving maniacally with their handmade posters and joyous clapping.
There were a few speeches given at the start of the ceremony. I admit that I didn’t know most of the people that were speaking… All I know is that they held some sort of important position in the school district. Apart from them two of our eighteen valedictorians spoke as well.
Out of all the speeches made only two things stood out to me:
The mention of our deceased classmate, Kobi Pickett (I didn’t really know her but bless her soul), who passed during our sophomore year,
and the mention of a quote by Ellen DeGeneres:
“Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”
It still hasn’t hit me that I’m attending college in the fall and that I won’t see my friends and family on a daily basis anymore.
I also have not cried yet.
A friend of mine cried ten times on our last day of school (yes I actually counted). I, along with maybe one or two of my friends, did not cry at all. We talked about how inhuman we felt compared to our other friends who bawled frequently. But I suppose I’ll cry when I officially move into the University of Dallas in August. It’ll hit me when my mother and I say goodbye (don’t start crying Momma Bear!).
Overall I’m excited at the prospect of attending college and officially graduating from high school.
From the classes with a quiz and test every week, to the pressures of trying to be in at least the Top 15% and above (I was in the Top 20%; I just missed it grrr), to discerning what your rank is, then trying to get the AP scores you need/want, to blah blah blah blah …..
It was a struggle not just because of the competitive nature high school establishes, but also the feeling of inferiority that comes with it when you think others are succeeding whereas you are not.
But regardless of how tough it was, I, and my fellow classmates, stuck to it and made it!
With these last words a valedictorian of ours said:
Most of these dances are overrated and end up being incredibly boring. The hype that comes with it raises the expectations in our little teen hearts but normally result in nothing short of a disappointment.
The idea of buying a dress and renting a limo for one night is absolutely ludicrous to me.
But more importantly, the stress people have over getting a date is, quite honestly, stupid. Why on earth would having a date dictate whether or not you have an awesome night?
That’s why I wasn’t crazy about going to prom.
However, I decided to go in order to just say that I had the experience. Plus, it’s the last high school dance I’ll ever get to go to with my friends.
So why not?
Ever since my freshman homecoming dance I have rented my dresses from Rent the Runway, who is awesome!
My mother, like always :), was the one who found my dress, which you can see in this post. I haven’t been a pink girl for a long time, trading it in for a more grunge look filled with blacks and blues and reds.
But it was love at first sight with this dress.
It’s not a bright or neon or hot pink like Barbie kind of color, which I deeply appreciate. I now prefer the blush pinks to have in my closet.
Once my mother and I officially ordered the dress I began to feel excited.
I’ve never been the type of girl who waited around, hoping that a guy would ask me to be his date with those big posters and flowers. Now before I go further, let me be clear: I’m not bashing those that do. It’s just not me.
I prefer being with my friends and dancing the night away acting goofy and content with my single status.
When prom night arrived, my friends and I headed to a park in order to take pictures together in our dresses.
Now the shoes I was wearing, as you can see in some of the photos, are legit high heels. I normally stay away from them because, frankly, I’d like to feel my toes. But I thought maybe I should give it a try, so I borrowed a blush suede pair of heels from my mother (which somehow fit).
The shoes went incredibly well with the dress. It gave the height and made me look statuesque, were pretty as hell, and just completed the overall look.
But midway through the taking pictures, I promptly took them off and walked barefoot for the remainder of our shoot. It’s quite comical actually. In some pictures I’m incredibly tall while in others I’m a hobbit compared to my friends.
In the end I went to prom in my comfortable, glittery sandals with pride.
I danced throughout the night with all of my friends.
From Despacito to Yeah! to the Cupid Shuffle to Party Rock Anthem. I was sweating like hell (I perspire easily). I was a sweaty mess, but at least I was having fun and letting loose.
The first portion of the dance was literally just pure Zumba and reggaeton music (my dress was exceptionally great for dancing to those genres). Then it turned into a mix between hip hop and rap music, before ending the night with pop.
I just remembered having so much fun. By the end of the night every single one of us was dancing. Even the shy, introverted ones that swore they couldn’t dance or only did so in the comfort of their rooms.
It was genuinely a great night to me.
Would I say it was “the best night of my life” like those characters in teen movies revolving around a dance event?
But it was fun and I’m glad that I got to experience my prom.
Last weekend I attended my first ever college visit at the University of Dallas in Irving, Dallas.
Before anything let’s get some stuff out of the way:
Yes, it’s a Catholic school.
Yes, it means I might stay in Texas.
Yes, it’s been in the top most ugliest schools in America.
No, it’s not the same as the University of Texas in Dallas.
I stayed the night while my mother went back to the hotel and roomed with an already enrolled student.
The first thing we, including other possible and already enrolled students, did was…play volleyball. And by we I mean they. I made it clear from the get-go that I’m not at all athletically inclined, which they, thank God, respected (you never know, people can be cray).
Once the game ended we all headed out to have dinner at Rathskellers, which is on campus, where there was also a jukebox (which I thought was pretty cool). We sat outside while tunes like Love Shack were blaring on the speakers. By the end of dinner there were all in all ten of us.
Afterwards we headed out to the soccer field on the outskirts of the campus. While half of us played, the other half sat on the sidewalk listening to music and looking at the blue bonnets surrounding the field. Once they were done, we moved on to some night frisbee with a frisbee that lit up.
We then proceeded to head back to the campus, while the students sang Justin Bieber’s “Baby” very very loudly, and went into one of the lounge rooms where they danced on top of the tables. Once they had their fill of that, we went into a different lounge room to play Catchphrase. Which, for those of you who don’t know, is an extremely intense game.
After playing a couple of rounds of Catchphrase all of us went to Club Donna, a portion of the campus that students basically have a rave in with a DJ and strobe lights.
I, however, had not properly slept for the past 24 hours so I was the first to fall and go to bed. Side note: the air conditioning in the dorms are awesome!
After saying goodbye to my host, who was incredibly sweet, I reunited with my mother. We, being the rebels we are, skipped the last event (alumni panel) to get some free hot chocolate and check out some books (there’s a bookstore on campus, by the way).
Another side note: the hot chocolate was amazing.
Overall I really enjoyed my experience in UD even though it was exhausting.
And for those of you who are asking: Yes, I’ll probably attend this university. Oh, by the way I got one of their college tees on sale! It’s super soft.
My art teacher said her life would be so much better if three day weekends were the norm.
This week’s schedule is pretty chill.
It’s a four day week, on Thursday we have a Rock ‘n’ Roll themed pep rally (which means shorter classes), and Friday will be here before I know it. And I only have one test this week in my Government class.
Praise the Lord 🙌🏾
My mind still can’t wrap around the fact that it’s my Senior year.
But then at the same time I’m in despair as I’m only in my third week of school.
When’s our next holiday? 🤔
Yes, I know it’s not a very inspiring post but I’ve got that Government test tomorrow.
Even though I am sad that summer vacation is over, I’m excited to see what’ll transpire this year.
For one thing, I’m actually taking classes I’m interested in. Such as Psychology, Biology, and Literature.
Plus I have first period off, so no more having to wake up at 6 in the morning. My momma was so happy she cried.
Then there’s also the fact that it’s my last year of high school, which is somewhat bittersweet. On one hand I’m more than ready to say goodbye to my school. And to certain people that make me want to tear out my hair with their stupidity. And carelessness. Which, to this day, baffles me. I mean, really!?!? The teacher explained it like two seconds ago!
But then on the flip side I have to get my college applications done. And write my essays. And take the SAT and ACT one last time. And prepare for seven AP exams. While also trying to survive high school in general.
And to top it off, I’m getting old!
And it’s not just me who says it. My momma has, my friends have, a sophomore has, and even an eighth grader! I mean, I know I’m old but do you have to blurt it out like that? And with such gusto?
Despite some of my reservations, however, I’m determined to have a good school year. To at least have much more fun than I have the past couple of years.
All the studying, the worrying, the test taking I’ve done have led up to this year. The year wherein all that work pays off in some shape or form, and I can let loose and relish in that celebratory feeling.
Right off the bat I made some pretty cool friends.
Insane, but nonetheless cool.
We were a huge group representing places from around the globe. From China, Nigeria, Latvia, the United Kingdom, and many many more.
Also, Yale itself is gorgeous.
Every building looks like a cathedral. Even the gymnasium!
We were lucky enough to get to tour the campus. From the libraries (yes, plural), to the residential colleges, and to the dining halls. One of the residential schools – which looks like a town you’d see in a live action Disney film – had a bell tower! A BELL TOWER! And apparently it sometimes plays pop songs out of the blue. I guess Yale University is an Ivy League school for a reason. Plus the food there is amazing.
It’s been a packed week.
We’ve had a ropes course wherein I was left hanging midair for a few moments (and I was slightly spinning), and I’m ashamed (not really) to say that I got pretty competitive into the activities.
And when I get competitive, I get crazy.
Like “Everyone-Do-What-I-Say-Or-I’ll-Bitchslap-You-All-The-Way-Back-To-Your-Ancestors” crazy. Yeah, not my best moment. But once I cooled down by running through the sprinklers, I was a little bit more bearable.
Then we got to hang out with three representatives of United Way and spent over an hour putting together literacy kits (which was quite addictive). We were given four children’s books to choose from to decorate our kits around. I was torn between Bunny Money (because the name is adorable) and Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? Ultimately my friends and I chose the bear because it had tons of animals in different colors, which was great to model after for our kits.
We also got to meet two awesome people. Sunjay Nath, a hilarious motivational speaker that looks like a cross between Steve Carell and the guy Ross from F. R. I. E. N. D. S., and Melora , a loud and lovable teacher of the7 Highly Effective Habits of Teens by Sean Covey.
We had just finished our tour of the campus and she began describing student life at Yale. Upperclassmen excitedly bombard freshman the second they arrive to question them on which residential college they’ve been sorted into (kind of like Harry Potter and the various Houses) and take their luggage into the dorms for them. They also have these “Tea Parties” wherein students invite public figures to speak with them on, well, anything. And the counselor told us that all financial needs are always met. No matter what your family’s home situation or yearly income may be aid is apparently always given once you’ve been accepted.
So by now we’re all feeling as though we could take on the world, until a parent asks what the acceptance rate is.
As you can guess, our high ride ended pretty quickly.
On Thursday we traveled to the Big Apple.
Our tour guide showed us Wallstreet, the progress of the World Trade Center transit hub (a Phoenix rising from its ashes), had lunch in Central Park and saw the John Lennon Memorial, visited Rockefeller Center, and, of course, took pictures in Times Square.
Our guide, a true New Yorker, made tons of movie references and threw tons of shade towards the Kardashians and Trump.
We also saw a couple of street performers and had a delicious strawberry Popsicle.
We ran into a man who made these huge bubbles that almost seemed as though they were about to attack us. I think that was probably the best part of our trip to New York.
I mean, who doesn’t love bubbles? Especially gigantic ones.
On our way back to New Haven, the staff told us to watch the film He Named Me Malala and that we would have to answer some questions later on. In short, I saw the beginning and woke up just in time to see the ending.
I was exhausted.
I promise to give my utmost attention when I’m much more awake.
On the last day each group presented their community action plans, which we’ve been working on since Day 1, to the rest of the group and three Lead 2 Feed representatives.
My group was the last one.
Now, here’s some background information you need to know:
1. I caught a cold midway through the program.
2. Students were asked by the Primary Leaders to put together something to honor the Teacher Leaders.
As I waited for my turn to speak, I noticed that a few students were either sleeping or playing on their phones. Safe to say that I was pretty annoyed. Especially since I gave my undivided attention to them when it was their turn. So, in true Eve-Has-Lost-Her-Shit Fashion, before saying my piece I sarcastically thanked those for giving my group their time.
Since I had a cold, I was very nasal. So I wasn’t sure whether or not anyone even understood what I said.
I then apologized for sounding like an idiot because of my said-cold, which, apparently, people found quite amusing. Especially after I rolled my shoulders and pulled my hair back sassily (which was not intentional mind you).
After all presentations were given, we had about two hours of free time .
I immediately asked to go to the Yale Bookstore.
I wanted to buy some form of Yale merchandise. Some form of proof that I had visited the Ivy League school, because, you know, my momma did pay a lot of money for the trip.
My friend and I finished early and headed back to our dorms.
We were both so exhausted that we slept through our alarms and missed dinner. Naturally the staff freaked out and thought we were dead. Apparently people had been calling us but we slept through that too. When I awoke from my nap I saw that it was about 5:45. Then I had a mini “Oh crap!” moment when I remembered that dinner was at 5. I grabbed my things and headed out of my dorm when I ran into the nurse, who was sent to find my friend and I. Kailee, my Sleeping Sista, and I were later brought to the Trumbell Dining Hall for dinner.
I was torn between being incredibly embarrassed and laughing uncontrollably.
I have never in my life been late to something because I had fallen asleep. But hey, at least I did it on the last day so it’s not I could get into trouble or anything.
Afterwards we had our last Ambassador Leaders meeting and groups were given the time to thank their Teacher Leaders.
My group’s leader Ruben, a hilarious and energetic short Mexican (as he calls himself), was thanked last because we were Group #7. Because we were all so preoccupied with our Lead 2 Feed project, we hadn’t really prepared anything. But then again, most of the other groups hadn’t either. However, that morning I put together a 27 second video about why Ruben is awesome.
Here it is:
He willingly spends time with crazy teens.
He encourages you to eat ice cream.
He gladly takes your mustard packs.
He laughs at you when you fall.
And also when you’re scared of dying (a. k. a. me at the ropes course).
But most of all he will love you unconditionally.
Or at least is nice enough to pretend.
After he saw the video, Ruben thanked not only us, but the entire Ambassador Leaders group, for “…letting him be an audience member of your (our) show…”
Kailee and I then asked him why he didn’t cry like the other Team Leaders.
He said he didn’t have to.
He said, “Beacuse you’ve made me strong.”
Everyone then headed back to Yale and celebrated all of our hard work.
We ate ice cream in the basement and went around crying and hugging everyone, reflecting on the past week’s events. And even though we were all sad that the program was coming to an end, we were also just happy to be around each other.
So one of the girls from Brooklyn whipped out herBeats Pill speaker, set up a playlist of throwback jams, and we all danced the night away.
In two days I will be heading off to New Haven, Connecticut for a week at Yale University to learn leadership skills and partake in community service acts.
Holy shit. This is happening.
Even though I know it’ll be a lot of fun (based off of a prior experience with a similar program), my trepidation continues to grow as the 24th approaches.
I think another reason why I’m scared is because by the time I return home it’ll be the end of July.
Which gives leaves me exactly 22 days to mentally prepare myself for school.
My very last year of high school.
It’s difficult to imagine life without a structured school system since it has dominated my life thus far. But instead of focusing on a daunting future, I’m attempting to enjoy and live in the now. And to think about the positive events that are upcoming, such as my trip to Yale and taking classes in my Senior year that I’m actually interested it.
I hope that by the end of my trip I’ll be that much better as person and as a leader.
My past experience with the National Student Leadership Conference at the University of California, Berkeley, proved to me that life changing experiences can occur in a small amount of time but nonetheless potent. It also introduced me to students from across the globe, resulting in the development of true, longlasting friendships with people who have changed me for the better.
If the Ambassador Leaders Program at Yale is anything like the one I’ve just described, then I’m more than ready to go.
First thing I see when I wake up is a text from my friend, Joy.
“AP SCORES R UP”
I’m initially hesitant to check my scores because on my first AP test (World History) I didn’t do well. And in all honesty, I don’t remember a thing that Iearned for the test. There was so much information to gather that my brain had a meltdown.
So naturally I was anxious to see what I scored on my AP English Language and AP U.S. History Tests.
However, I decided to push those somber thoughts to the back of my mind and went to the College Board website to see what I got.
For those of who don’t know, AP tests are scored based off of a range from 1 to 5, 5 being the best. Though it varies for different universities, most schools accept the credit if you’ve scored a 4 or a 5.
And guess what?
I got a 4 for both of my tests!
That basically means that not only did I pass, but I crushed it. I didn’t kill it since that would mean I got 5s, but hey, it’s pretty damn close.
Due to my resurge of energy stemmed from my scores, I’ve begun doing my summer work.
Seniors are supposed to read two books over the summer if they plan to take the English Literature AP class.
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë and Grendel by John Gardner.
Luckily I’ve already read Jane Eyre which only leaves one book to read. And I know that if I don’t start now, I’ll probably end up reading it in the week leading up to the beginning of school. And, of course, can’t forget about annotating. Great.
Plus I have to complete my assignments for the Ambassadors Leaders Program I’m attending during the week of the 24th.
One is developing a community service plan, while the other has you identify events that have influenced you and how to be the best leader you can be.
I’m both stoked and nervous about this program since I’m going on my own. It’s held at Yale University and lasts about a week. Despite having flown alone before, and the program spanning over a longer period of time, I still get imense butterflies thinking about the prospect of having to do that again.
This is why I’m anxious:
This will only be the fourth time I’ve flown somewhere alone.
When I was younger and hadn’t yet gotten my green card, my mother and I traveled to Houston from Malaysia and vice versa frequently. So I’ve gotten used to having her with me when I travel.
I won’t know anyone attending the summer camp.
Not knowing anyone where you’re at is nervewrecking for everyone. I’m terrible at meeting new people because I never know what to say or do. And apparently what I usually call my “anxious face,” is what everyone else believes is my bitch face.
I’m incredibly scared of flying on airplanes.
Due to my frequent airplane rides when I was a little girl, I’ve developed a deep dislike of airplanes. The probability of the plane falling and eventually leading to my death freaks me out. AND the nausea that could plague at any time, which could ultimately ruin the entire flight for you.
But I will stay strong! And not have a meltdown!
I’m sure that as soon as I calm down I’ll have a blast.
I mean, it’s Yale.
That’s kind of awesome.
How many people get the chance to go to Yale?
So with all that PLUS dealing with college stuff (bleh), it’s time to do some work.